tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13553241.post1383405803754390087..comments2023-06-17T06:59:23.673-05:00Comments on DocStymie's World: What becomes of a life?Jeff Sealehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00678369475998558178noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13553241.post-2699500553107929752014-04-06T16:58:53.890-05:002014-04-06T16:58:53.890-05:00Doc Stymie,
As the best child psychologist I happ...Doc Stymie,<br /><br />As the best child psychologist I happen to live with, I can only offer you a couple of things. Our kids are going to have to fail. And we have to let them. I type this as my kids are across the street trying out for a musical in which they probably won't get a part because competition will be quite stiff. They're both really talented and would do a fine job with whatever part they get, but that doesn't mean they'll get it. <br /><br />Be real. Don't give them any of that "you can be anything you want" b.s. We all have limitations, even kids who have superior genes within them. <br /><br />As for your own existential crisis, you should think about joining a band.<br /><br />Doc Paul Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13553241.post-49097091975002278332014-04-06T15:33:01.337-05:002014-04-06T15:33:01.337-05:00Dearest Jeff,
As my children are a bit older - I ...Dearest Jeff,<br /><br />As my children are a bit older - I may not be wiser, but I have a little more experience.<br /><br />My first advice to you is to let your children be. You cannot live their lives for them, nor can you give them any meaningful advice on a future they have yet to plan. They have to find their own path. The best you can do is to model a life where you take good advice (and follow your own) and live well and with passion. They will watch more than they listen and if they watch you being miserable, they learn what not to do. While this might be a good lesson, I think it would be preferable to have them watch you be happy and in turn seek their own happiness in positive ways.<br /><br />Guide them and nurture them, but do not dictate. Punish them when it's appropriate, but do not force your ideals and values on them. Listen to them and learn to appreciate what they find interesting (never tell them it is stupid - you will just push them toward it!). Foster their interests and help them find a path that can offer them success that includes those interests.<br /><br />But before you can do any of this, you have to find your own way. How can you help others when you cannot help yourself? Raising children is not an easy thing and I sometimes think that if anyone knew the heart-wrenching it causes, no one would ever have them. You will have to ask those who care for you to help you and you will have to be open and honest with both them and your kids about what you are feeling. Keeping your existential crisis to yourself deprives you of the support you might get from those who care and your children of seeing that we are all human, we all have hard decisions to make, we all experience times of doubt and struggle in life, and that is OK as long as we have friends and family to help us through.<br /><br />You are not alone. Anyone with children has these feelings. Don't hesitate to talk with any family or friend who will listen and then drop the judgement and listen to what they say as well. You might end up with an answer you never considered or find the courage to take the step that you really want to take.<br /><br />And don't worry about your kids - they are great! They will find their way in the world with help of many, some of whom they haven't even met yet. Your job is to be there, to listen, and to offer help and advice when you are able. But most of all it is to model the life you hope for them, because it will surprise you just how much they will model their future life on what they see you doing in yours.<br /><br />That's my advice - take what seems right for you and leave the rest. And know that I am here to listen and support both you and your children in any way that I can.<br /><br />Love,<br />TeresaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07516217723067038373noreply@blogger.com